I Can Give You Confidence, but I Can't Give You Contentment.

People start financial planning relationships for a number of reasons. Sometimes an event in their life, such as marriage, having a child, or receiving an inheritance, causes them to see the value in getting a plan in place. Sometimes a new goal, like moving into a bigger home or saving for kids to go to college, can be a catalyst. Many just have a feeling that there is something they are missing, and they don’t want that feeling anymore.

Many of these reasons can be boiled down to the question, “Are we doing ok?” Sometimes there is real uncertainty in that question; other times, they know the answer (no) and they want to change it.

Ultimately, we’re all looking for confidence and contentment in our relationship with money.

Confidence comes from a lot of things. Often it is rooted in the sense that “I know what I’m doing,” or “I’ve done this before.” Some people have had frequent success in trying new things and it working out, where they will conclude that “everything will be fine in the end.” Or maybe they actually have done this a lot and have a good reason for that trust. Experience is a great way to build confidence.

Confidence can be externally induced. This is the root of a parent telling a child, “You can do it!” or a friend encouraging you, saying, “I believe you have what it takes.” A boss cheering you on with words such as. “I know what you’re capable of!” It doesn’t always work, but it can give someone the desire to continue on ahead or try again.

This is ultimately what I can offer you.

Whether things feel bad or good, sometimes you can’t be sure until you work with someone who does this for a living. Someone who can see your blind spots and the small or large tweaks you need to make to correct the course. And then, after a few months or years on a new path, you find yourself squarely in the “confident” category.

But don’t be surprised if that doesn’t solve all of your financial woes.

Even when you find yourself confident in your current action plan, you may still find this deep sense that it’s not enough. And I’m afraid to tell you that the feeling likely won’t go away when the “more” inevitably arrives.

Contentment is a deeper, less tangible feeling. If I had to be honest, I don’t have this one figured out. What I have observed is that it WON’T come from the money itself, and it certainly won’t come when you have more of it.

We all know people with “less” than us who are more content. And yet how many people who have “more” than you, with every need met, and most “wants” too, still find themselves searching? If you had to guess, you’d probably say….most of them? But you still think a little bit more is the answer, right?

One of my favorite movies is the Christmas classic, It’s a Wonderful Life. If you’re not familiar, George Bailey gets the chance to see what it would have been like if he had never been born. It paints a sad picture of that reality, but it also gave him a passion, even a gratitude for all the things in his life that he previously held disdain for.

At the climax of the film, he returns to real life, seeing it all with new eyes. Even a bank examiner shows up with a letter, George quips genuinely, “I'll bet it's a warrant for my arrest. Isn't it wonderful? I’m going to jail!”

That line has brought me to tears on many occasions. The only way you could possibly be overjoyed about the prospect of jail, if you truly understood what a gift it was to be alive in the first place.

May we all come to know this gift. To live deeply with a heart of gratitude for all we already have. And maybe with close friends and family, we too can become “the richest man in town.”*

You can get contentment, but that part is on you.

*If you don’t catch that last reference. Here’s the last scene in the film.