Why It’s So Hard to Rest

For most of my life, I’ve carried this belief: what’s just around the corner has the potential to both answer our prayers and humble us in wonder.

But as an entrepreneur, I feel like I’ve lost a bit of that at times.

Every time I get a new client, I don’t know where the next one will come from. My default posture has shifted, from hopeful expectation to fearful scarcity. Even though the evidence says otherwise (my business is growing), I still find myself anxiously striving to do more.

I fill the empty space with urgent activity, hoping that this will be what makes it all work. Then I’ll be enough. Because deep down, I believe that if I don’t keep pushing, I’ll fail, and if I fail, it means I am a failure.

It feels like I’m bailing water out of a boat with a hole in it. And only through unceasing effort, scooping water with my bucket, can I keep from sinking. At least until I’ve got enough clients to plug the holes and finally rest.

But I haven’t earned rest.

That’s why new clients don’t always feel like success. They feel like relief. They’re not a step toward a dream. They’re a step away from fear.

You can see how this is an unhelpful metaphor.

Ironically, all that “doing” rarely leads to new clients. Almost all of my growth this year has had nothing to do with LinkedIn, social media, or my latest ideas. It’s come from people I already know, referrals from clients, and introductions from other advisors. People who have gotten to know me. That’s it.

So maybe I need a new metaphor.

What if I thought less about plugging holes and more about planting seeds?

Plugging holes assumes a limited outcome, they just keeping the boat from sinking. But seeds carry potential. You never know which ones will take root, which ones will thrive, or how large they’ll grow.

One seed can change your future. It can grow bigger than expected. It can even start planting its own seeds.

Sometimes a single new interaction, a person you meet, a client you sign, a job you take, isn’t just that. It leads to new friendships, new communities, and new ideas. Maybe even a new purpose.

I’m not in a sinking boat.

I’m a farmer.

Trusting that tomorrow might bring more than I could ever hope for.

And sometimes, all you can do is plant the seeds, make sure they get enough water, and wait.

But there’s another reality to this, more water isn’t always better.

There comes a point where doing more actually hurts. Overwatering can drown the crops. Pushing too hard, too fast, can burn me out just as easily.

The beauty of being a farmer is that there are seasons: one for sowing, and one for reaping. And no amount of extra effort can make the seasons come faster.

All I can do is take care of what needs to be cared for today. And make sure I care for myself, so I make it to the harvest.